Is having a kid worth it? Should we take the leap?
生孩子值得嗎？我們到底該不該生？
This question came up while chatting with friends a few days ago. The answer, of course, depends on a million factors. Health, money, support network, and mental readiness all matter, and each of those brings a dozen smaller questions. But just in case you’re wondering, let me share my experience.
前幾天與朋友閒聊時，又再次提起這個大哉問。這無疑取決於各種因素——健康、金錢、支援網與心理準備都很重要。而且，每項因素還會衍生出諸多更為瑣碎的問題。如果你也在掙扎要不要生孩子，就讓我分享自己的經驗吧。
For my wife and me, kids were always part of the plan when we married at 30, but work stress and tight finances kept pushing that plan back. It is pretty hard to even think about having kids when you are working 12-hour days and lugging a mortgage the size of a mountain on your back. Once we finally felt financially stable, we were already in our 40s along with accompanying health problems. Unfortunately, those took more precious time to manage, and when they cleared, we wondered if we had waited too long.
我與妻子三十歲結婚時，生孩子一直在我們的規劃裡。但礙於工作與經濟壓力，便讓這個計劃一再延宕。當你一天要上十二個小時的班，又扛著山一樣大的房貸，根本無暇考慮生小孩。直到財務漸趨穩定，我們業已四十多歲，各種健康問題便隨之到來。為此，又耽誤了我們幾年的光陰。等到一切都塵埃落定，我們卻開始懷疑是不是拖太久了。
By some miracle, our son arrived early in 2024, more than a decade into our marriage. Meticulous planning and a lot of prayers, along with a strict diet and proper exercise, led to a smooth pregnancy and delivery. For the first month we had a live-in caregiver who showed us everything from changing diapers to handling rashes. Her help allowed us to grab a few hours of sleep each day and kept us sane. We almost cried out loud, and definitely screamed inside, when she left.
結果在 2024 年初，也就是後婚的十幾年，我們竟喜得一名男寶寶，這簡直就是奇蹟。嚴謹的計畫、飲食控制與規律地運動，外加超多禱告，讓懷孕與生產的過程都非常順利。產後的第一個月，我們請了月嫂。從包尿布到處理尿布疹，她都悉心地指導我們。我們總算能偷得幾個小時的睡眠時間，讓我們保持清醒。但月嫂離開的那天，我們的內心在吶喊，差點失聲痛哭。
The second month hit hard. Our parents were in Taiwan, and suddenly it was just the two of us with a newborn. Living abroad without family means there is never a break. There were only the two of us with a baby, and sometimes we just didn’t know what to do every time he cried. It was a learning process. We leaned on local clinics, community classes, daycare visits, and eventually found a part-time nanny, but the workload stayed huge, especially while I tried to grow a start-up and finish my doctorate. By some miracle, we made it work, and the baby somehow gave me the strength to do it.
第二個月才是真正的硬仗。當時我們的父母都在臺灣，只有我們夫妻倆照顧新生兒。在海外生活又沒有家人照應，就代表永無喘息之時。有時，只要寶寶一哭鬧，我們根本手足無措，只能邊做邊學。我們只好向當地的診所、社區課程與托嬰中心求助，最後還找了兼職的保姆。但每天的工作量還是爆表，畢竟我還要兼顧新創公司與博班的學業。說來也神奇，我們竟然撐了下來，寶寶反而給了我力量。
Most days now start at dawn. I squeeze in an hour or two of email and work, then we feed the baby at around eight. I try my best to be involved in every part of my child’s life, so the rest of the day loops through cooking, doing dishes and the laundry, stroller walks, grocery shopping, community classes and activities, nap patrol, poopy duty, outdoor playtime, bath time, storytime, and finally the nightly who-will-fall-asleep-first battle. Work and school squeeze into whatever cracks are left. Today, I won the battle and managed to crawl out of bed undetected, so as a reward I get to write this post. On some days, even a 15-minute shower feels like a miracle.
現階段，一日之計在於黎明。我會先擠出一到兩個小時來回信與工作，到了八點左右再一起餵寶寶。我盡可能全程參與孩子的方方面面，因此剩下的時間就是在煮飯、洗碗、洗衣服、推車散步、買菜、社區課程、小睡巡視、清理大便、戶外玩耍、洗澡、講故事，還有晚上的「看誰先睡著」大賽之間循環。工作與學業都只能利用零碎的時間來完成。今天，我贏了晚上的那場大賽，並在不被察覺的情況下，成功爬下床，這才有空寫這篇文章。很多時候，連洗十五分鐘的熱水澡都像是恩典。
Reading this, you might think “Don’t do it.” Having a child steals work hours, shrinks your bank account, wipes out social life, and erases hobbies like gaming or even casual Netflix. Don’t even think about enjoying a peaceful meal at a nice restaurant or going out without three bags of baby stuff with you. And you can kiss any private time goodbye. Yes. All of that is true in my case.
讀到這裡，你或許會想：「千萬別生。」孩子會搶走你的工作時間，讓你的口袋變淺，占據你的社交生活，連打遊戲或追Netflix的空檔都不復存在。也別奢望能在高檔餐廳裡，安安靜靜地吃頓飯。更別幻想能空手出門——沒有三大袋寶寶用品（奶瓶、尿布與哄睡神器），在外絕對寸步難行。噢對了，也請跟二人世界或獨處的時光好好道別吧！相信我，這都是我實實在在的經歷。
Yet… every morning I wake up to his smiles and giggles. By afternoon he is hugging me and calling “dada,” and at night he curls into my chest (and sometimes kicks me in the groin) before bed. Of course there are tough moments–crying and screaming at 3 AM, fevers from the latest bug he picked up, or diarrhea-induced sleepless nights from something he put in his mouth. These times are hard, but they seem to make our happy moments even happier….once we get through them anyway. Once we were sick for close to two months. It was absolutely miserable. But through these challenges my wife and I grow more confident and become more proficient parents, and our son grows stronger and taller.
但⋯⋯每天早上我一睜開雙眼，就能看見他的笑容。下午他抱著我叫「把拔」，晚上睡前窩在我的懷裡（有時還會順便踢一下我的要害）。當然，也有崩潰的時刻。凌晨三點的哭喊、感冒發燒，或拉肚子導致整夜無法入睡。但每次熬過低潮，快樂就會更甜。有一次，我們全家病了快兩個月，真的很慘。但在這些考驗中，我與妻子更有自信、更像爸媽，而兒子也一次次地長得更高大、更強壯。
So I understand why some people decide against children—too expensive, too much work, too many sacrifices, pets are easier. Every reason is valid. I get it (though I recognize I can’t possibly relate to everyone’s position), and sometimes I do think to myself, Is it worth it? Then I look at him smile and call me “dada,” and I find the answer to my question.
所以，我能理解有人不想生小孩：太貴、太累，犧牲太多，還不如養寵物。每個理由都有道理。有時，我也會問自己——這一切值得嗎？然後看到他笑著叫我「把拔」，答案就出現了。
Yes! Absolutely! Even the crying and screaming. I know I will never experience these things when he’s older, and without him, I would never have had the privilege of caring for a new life and growing with him. It’s a miracle for me just to be with him and experience life all over again.
值得！絕對值得！哪怕哭鬧與尖叫，都值得。我知道等他長大後，這一切都將不可能重現。如果沒有他，我也不可能有機會照顧一個新的生命，並與他一同成長。能夠陪伴著他，再次經驗生命的點點滴滴，本就是奇蹟。
Perhaps I’m speaking too early. I hear the teenage years are fun. We’ll revisit this post if Facebook/Wordpress still exists then.
也許，現在還言之過早。我聽說青春期才是精彩的開始。如果那時還有Wordpress，我們再回過頭來檢視這篇文章吧。