How Fathers Shape Their Children’s Development
爸爸是如何影響孩子的發展？
We all know that fathers play an important role in their children’s development, but do we fully understand why? Also, what should be done when a father is not present, as is the case in many families today?
我們都知道，父親在孩子的成長過程裡扮演著重要的角色。但我們真的理解個中原因嗎？此外，當父親不在孩子身邊時，又該如何是好？而如今，這樣的情況已相當普遍。
Activation relationship
From infancy, toddlers naturally seek out their fathers for rough-and-tumble play, which provides them with opportunities to explore boundaries, develop physical coordination, and manage excitement (Paquette, 2004). This playstyle, known as the “activation relationship,” encourages children to navigate new experiences and develop self-regulation skills. In contrast to the attachment relationship typically associated with maternal bonds, the activation relationship fosters a sense of independence while still reinforcing a secure connection (Paquette, 2004; StGeorge & Freeman, 2017).
從嬰兒時期開始，孩子們會本能地與父親進行「打鬧遊戲」（rough-and-tumble play）。這類互動讓孩子能夠探索界限、發展身體的協調性，並學習如何管理興奮的情緒（Paquette, 2004）。這種遊戲方式被稱為「激發關係」（activation relationship），有助於孩子適應新的體驗，並培養自我的調節能力。這與母親的「依附關係」（attachment relationship）不同。激發關係能促進孩子的獨立性，同時也能鞏固安全感（Paquette，2004；StGeorge與Freeman，2017）。
Self-regulation and emotional control
Believe it or not, rough-and-tumble play—such as wrestling, chasing, or play-fighting—is particularly beneficial for teaching toddlers self-regulation and emotional control. Of course, safety’s first ,so please do not mistake rough play for unsafe play. Unlike aggressive interactions, this kind of play involves back-and-forth cooperation, allowing children to learn about personal boundaries and how to adjust their intensity according to social cues (Paquette, 2004). For instance, when wrestling with a father, a child quickly learns when to stop if someone says “ouch” or signals discomfort. These experiences reinforce empathy, impulse control, and emotional regulation.
你可能萬萬想不到，「打鬧遊戲」——諸如摔角、追逐、嬉戲（play-fighting）——對於幼兒學習自我調節與情緒控制有著極大的幫助。當然，安全第一，請別把「打鬧遊戲」誤當成不安全的遊戲。有別於攻擊性互動，這種遊戲包含了你來我往的合作，讓孩子學習個人界限，並理解如何根據社交訊號來調整行為的強度（Paquette，2004）。舉例來說，當孩子與父親摔角時，他會很快學習到，當對方說「痛」或表達不適時，當適可而止。這樣的經歷能強化孩子的同理心、衝動控制能力，以及情緒調節能力。
Assessing risk, sense of security and accomplishment
Many father-child games involve a level of playful risk-taking, such as climbing trees, jumping off small heights into a father’s arms, or just toddlers balancing themselves on uneven terrain. These activities encourage children to assess risks, build physical confidence, and trust their own abilities (Paquette, 2004). When a father tosses a child into the air and catches them, the child experiences a thrilling mix of excitement and security, thereby reinforcing a sense of trust in their caregiver while also becoming comfortable with new and stimulating sensations.
許多父子遊戲包含了一定程度的「風險挑戰」，例如爬樹、從矮處跳入父親懷抱，或是在不平坦的地面上保持平衡。這些活動能夠鼓勵孩子評估風險、建立身體自信，並學會信任自己的能力（Paquette，2004）。當父親將孩子拋起再接住時，孩子會同時獲得刺激感與安全感。這不僅增強了他們對父母的信任，也讓他們更容易適應新奇的感官體驗。
This sense of security and accomplishment transfers to other areas of life. Children who regularly engage in these types of play are often more willing to take on new challenges, be it in the classroom or social settings, because they have built confidence through safely managed risk-taking (Fletcher et al., 2013).
這種安全感與成就感會外擴至生活的其他領域。無論是在課堂上還是社交場合，經常參與這類遊戲的孩子，更加願意接受挑戰。因為，他們已經透過可控的風險挑戰，建立起自信（Fletcher等，2013）。
Bonding hormone
Beyond behavioral and emotional growth, play between fathers and children also influences neurobiology. Oxytocin, often referred to as the “bonding hormone,” increases in both fathers and children during these interactions (Gordon et al., 2010). While maternal oxytocin surges are typically linked to nurturing behaviors like cuddling, paternal oxytocin is strongly associated with stimulating play. This hormonal boost enhances trust, attachment, and social sensitivity in children, setting the foundation for positive relationships later in life (Gordon et al., 2010).
除了行為與情緒成長，父子間的遊戲也影響著生物的神經。在這類互動中，催產素（oxytocin）——也被稱為「親密關係荷爾蒙」——會在父子的體內同時升高（Gordon等，2010）。研究表明，母親的催產素通常與擁抱等溫馨的行為有關，而父親的催產素則與刺激性遊戲高度相關。這種荷爾蒙的提升，能夠增強孩子的信任感、依附關係，以及社交敏感度，為未來的人際關係奠定良好的基礎（Gordon等，2010）。
Language Development
Research by Pancsofar and Vernon-Feagans (2010) found that fathers’ vocabulary use and education level significantly influence their child’s language development. Specifically, fathers who used a more diverse vocabulary when interacting with their 6-month-old infants had children with stronger communication skills at 15 months and better expressive language abilities at 36 months. Their study of low-income rural families revealed that father vocabulary use at 6 months explained 7% of the variance in communication skills at 15 months, and 18% of the variance in expressive language at 36 months, independent of maternal factors. These findings highlight the distinct role of fathers in fostering linguistic and cognitive growth. Whether through book-reading, storytelling, or daily conversation, engaged fathers help lay a solid foundation for their child’s language skills.
2010年，Pancsofar 與 Vernon-Feagans（2010）發現，父親的詞彙使用與教育程度，對孩子的語言能力具有深遠的影響。經常與父親進行豐富語言互動的6月齡孩子，在 15 個月大時具備更強的溝通能力，3周歲時則會展現出更優秀的語言表達能力。這份針對低收入的農村雙親家庭的研究顯示，父親的詞彙使用可以解釋15月齡與3週歲大的幼童在溝通能力上的變異數（variance）——前者為7%，後者為18%。意即在控制母親的變因下，父親的影響依然成立。這些結果顯示，在促進語言與認知的發展上，父親起到了獨特的作用。無論是共讀、講故事，抑或是日常對話，積極參與的父親都能為孩子的語言能力奠定堅實的基礎（Pancsofar 與Vernon-Feagans，2010）。
Absent father?
But what if a father isn’t present? I myself grew up with only my maternal grandparents and uncles before moving in with my mom and younger siblings. Well, children without an active father figure can still thrive through enriching relationships with other caregivers. Mothers can still incorporate more physically engaging play, such as running, climbing, and rough-and-tumble interactions, to provide similar developmental benefits (Paquette, 2004). Grandparents, uncles, and family friends can also step in, offering playful engagement that fosters attachment and resilience.
Family and friends can step in and engage children in book-reading, storytelling, and conversation, reinforcing their language and cognitive growth. Additionally, community programs like youth sports leagues provide access to positive role models (Li et al., 2017). And there are always schools and childcare centers that can support development by emphasizing high-energy, interactive play, while older siblings and peers can help younger children build social and emotional skills through cooperative play. The most important factor is ensuring that children have consistent, engaged, and loving figures who actively participate in their growth and development.
如果孩子的生活缺少了父親，他們依舊能夠透過其他照顧者獲得相似的發展機會。童年時期，我的主要撫養者是祖父母與叔叔。後來，才與母親以及弟弟、妹妹一起生活。因此，我深知，在缺少父親的情況下，孩子仍然可以成長、茁壯。母親可藉由更多的肢體互動，例如跑步、攀爬、摔角等，來提供類似的發展優勢（Paquette，2004）。祖父母、叔叔伯伯與其他親友也能參與遊戲，增進孩子的依附關係與韌性，並透過共讀、講故事、日常對話來強化孩子的語言與認知發展。此外，社區計畫（如青少年體育聯盟）也能讓孩子接觸到正面的榜樣（Li 等，2017）。學校以及托兒機構也能透過能量滿滿的互動式遊戲來幫助孩子發展。而年長的手足或同儕也能從合作的遊戲中，協助年幼的孩子發展社交與情緒技能。最重要的是，要確保孩子擁有穩定、投入且充滿愛的陪伴者，他們的存在對於孩子的成長至關重要。
Some fathers might feel too tired or busy to engage in play, and modern family structures mean that many children do not have a father figure in their daily lives. However, research shows that all children benefit from high-energy, interactive play, regardless of whether it comes from a father or another engaged adult. Parents and caregivers could strive to provide children with stimulating interactions to the best of their abilities, as these experiences help foster confidence, resilience, and emotional well-being. Communities and schools can also play a role in supporting children without active father figures. If you do have the opportunity to play with your child, take it. Not only will they benefit in ways beyond what you might expect, but it will also bring you joy and strengthen your bond with them.
有些父親可能會覺得自己太累或太忙而無法陪孩子玩耍。而現代家庭結構的變遷，也讓許多孩子無法與父親朝夕相處。惟研究指出，無論陪伴孩子的是父親還是其他成年人，所有孩子都能從能量滿滿的互動式遊戲中受益。如果你有機會陪孩子玩耍，請珍惜這些時光。孩子不僅能夠獲得超乎預期的成長，你自己也會從中體驗到無窮的樂趣，進而增進親子間的親密關係。
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